Friday, November 16, 2007

To the *expletive deleted* who robbed my sister-

Dear sir or madam,

I'm sure you must have been incredibly disappointed upon discovering that after all the effort you went to bashing in my sister's car window, unlocking said car, searching it, taking her purse and then running off, that there was no money or anything of incredible value contained therein. The credit cards have been cancelled, the cell phone won't work, there was no cash, and you can't even use her license to drive or buy booze, since I'm fairly positive you're not a short redheaded female.

While you nurse your wounded pride, let me fill you in on a few things you may have forgotten when pursuing this lame caper:

First, you are in a POOR, RURAL TOWN. We don't have money. Most of the families here are on welfare, and last I checked, you can't get alcohol or drugs with your EBT card.

Second, even if we DID have money, I doubt we'd take it to the local nature trail when we go jogging, which is where you were hanging out when my sister parked to go walking with her friend.

Third, learn the difference between real and imitation handbags. I'm willing to bet the bag you're holding is worth about five dollars, and that won't buy you a decent meal at McDonald's.

Finally, perhaps you just tossed the contents of the purse besides the wallet. You may have missed the family photos therein. If you're lucky, you looked at them. That way, you'll know what I look like, and if you are a lot more intelligent than you seem you'll do your best to avoid me. You have made my sister feel like a victim, and I do NOT take kindly to that.


The Shiksa

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