Friday, March 30, 2012

And the past just repeats itself...

This is a draft of a post originally written up in 2010- some things don't change all that much...

Trying to jot down things I like, because I need reminding.

Tori Amos
La Volee d'Castors
Rusted Root
Edward Gorey
Dresden Dolls
Playing the piano when no one is around
RealFruit lime popsicles
Waldorf fairy dolls
Swishy hippie skirts and peasant blouses
Baldur's Gate
Long bubble baths
tea and biscotti

God, this is harder than I thought.....

Billie Holiday
Miles Davis
Black and white films
Silver and turquoise jewelry
Secret Garden
Stevie Nicks
Gothic architecture
2 AM walks down quiet streets
Badger Balm
Dr. Bronner's peppermint soap
Hole in the wall restaurants
Old cars
Brian Froud

Upon close inspection, in the past month I have indulged in exactly 2 of these- one song, and rubbing balm on someone else during a massage. Letting depression get to me again- frustrated with my lack of mom-fu, worried about money and having little luck with finding extra work that's doable around kid schedule, spending way too much time dwelling on old issues that will remain unresolved... Sometimes I think college me was a lot more interesting and put together. Now I just feel like I'm on an endless treadmill of self loathing with stops to beat myself up for being such a whiny bitch. What happened to the person who was endlessly interested in everything, and couldn't wait to go to work and chat up total strangers in an effort to make people smile and learn new things? The crazy girl who moved to the big city on a whim, who is so screwed up now that leaving the house for the grocery store is a major undertaking and hardly worth the effort? Do all moms go through this, or am I just shite at the whole mess?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

three months later.....reading baby, tooth gig, direction....(M)