Doctor's appt. yesterday confirmed that I have a Factor V leiden genetic mutation- this is a hereditary condition that gives my blood SUPER clotting powers. So super, in fact, that it doesn't know when to quit. I did a little research on my own last night, went to crawl into bed, and EUREKA! I figured it out! Several months back I did some furniture rearranging, and I placed our bed so that my side was smack against the bedroom wall. It looked pretty good, but if I wanted to get out of bed to get a drink or feed the cat before hubby woke up I had to crawl down the bed and over the footboard not to disturb him. Since I'm about as graceful as a hippo in roller skates, this ended up with me smacking my thigh repeatedly on our iron bedstead and left me with bruises that looked like I just got out of the saddle on my first horseback ride. Ta-daa! Multiple smackings and bruises + super duper clotting = big ouchies later. (Hubby, in his infinite wisdom, moved the bed while I was in the hospital, so I'm now able to get in and out without killing myself. How did he know?????)
Now to explain the rather cryptic post title: During my folklore class in college (c'mon now- if I had to take ten classes each semester, I was going to pick at least one fun one!) we spent a week or two discussing vampirism. It seems that some learned doctor types believe that most cases of recorded vampirism in the past were due to the scary person in question having a blood disorder in which the blood does NOT clot properly (or hemophilia, to you smarty peoples), and that their bodies were trying to correct the deficiency by taking in blood from other sources. Wouldn't you know, hemophilia is also a Factor V related illness, just on the other end of the spectrum! *evil laugh* So while all you normal types have to wear garlic and get your crosses blessed, I'll be sitting outside on Halloween next year laughing- if someone tries to bite me, it'll be like trying to suck chocolate pudding through a coffee straw. Take that, Vlad!
*Aside: thanks for all the well wishes, everyone. I've been a bit down about the whole situation and yesterday was a particularly bad day, so I'm trying to lighten up the mood a bit- thus the goofy post. Godiva truffles for all, and special sugar free ones for my diabetic friends!*