Interesting week- not because anything out of the ordinary has happened, but rather that I've made some neat associations. So without further ado, here are
The Shiksa's Fascinating Discoveries of the Week!!!!
1- When you burn yourself pulling lasagna out of the oven, the nasty blister on your thumb may not show up for several days. When it does finally arrive, though, it will remind you just how much you love your oven mitts.
2- When a tall, leggy person decides to sleep on the loveseat because it's more "comfortable" than the bed, he/she will most likely wake up in a world of pain.
3- If you weigh yourself every three hours just to see if your new workout is catching on, you will inevitably become depressed and begin desperately searching the kitchen for chocolate.
All joking aside, though, it's been that sort of week. What makes it even more nasty is that I'm debating whether or not to sign up for community theater auditions.
I'm sure you're saying to yourself, "So what? It's just an audition!" This may be true. In fact, I've said it myself numerous times this week. While my brain, for the most part, seems to understand this, my body has yet to catch on. Even typing about it has me in a cold sweat, and my fingers are trembling enough that I'm punching in about three extra letters per sentence. I've wanted to be on stage for most of my life... My biggest dream in high school was to play Christine on Broadway. (I know, I know... Dream on.) For some reason, though, between junior and senior high my confidence levels took a nosedive and my performance paranoia began. Auditions, solos, sitting back seat alto two in the choir- didn't matter. Whatever the gig, I was a nervous wreck. Some of the church choir members even got together and bought me a large lamp for the organ- not to illuminate the pages, but just so I wouldn't have to look at anyone in the congregation. A stranger caught my eye once in the middle of a song and I nearly lost it- had to fake my way through five chords before I finally got hold of myself enough to finish the piece.
I'd honestly hoped that if I just kept plugging away at things the nervousness would fade. My college professors didn't make any suggestions to the contrary- 'practice more, perform more, and you'll get used to it' was the general attitude. Four years and many concerts later I was still so tense that I would 'sick up' just thinking about my senior recital requirement. I decided to give up on the music degree finally (six credits short of graduating) and took a liberal arts diploma instead. I was fortunate enough during that time that I was able to take private lessons with a lovely woman from Long Island. Her advice: take a break from the music until you're more confident, then try just a few things for fun.
This summer it will have been a year since that suggestion. So far, I've done a grand total of 0 performances. No church solos, no choir fill-ins, nothing. I don't even sing along with the radio much. No disappointments, no panic... I should feel ten times better. Instead, I keep catching myself checking websites for audition dates, searching for opera performances, doing vocalises in the shower... One night I stopped short with a pencil in my hand when I realized I'd unearthed a score and was filling in chord analyzation. It's like a debilitating addiction, and it's tearing me up.
So will I audition? Probably not. Will I fret right up until the last minute about whether or not I should do it anyway? Of course.